Something wicked-stinky this way comes

I work on the frontlines of our agency…. hand-in-hand with the people who stock the grocery aisles, fill the freezers, and work the earth. They haul hay and bulls across this country, help birth calves and kill the coyotes that try to eat them. They put up fences and tear them down. They turn sunlight and seeds into potatoes and barley, they circulate millions of dollars through communities, oftentimes subsisting on little to nothing themselves. They are impressive people. And, sometimes… SOMETIMES…they are stinky.

I had a mouthful of Chile Picante con limón Corn Nuts when Farmer Pickles came into my office last week. He wanted to apply for cost-share funding on cross-fences and watering facilities for his livestock. Not just any ol’ livestock, mind you. This is GOAT livestock, which is second only to SHEEP livestock. Or maaaaybe PIG livestock in terms of olfactory loveliness.

Farmer Pickles walked toward my desk as I quickly swallowed my corn nuts and non-chalantly reached into my purse for a piece of gum. He and I then visited about his financial/environmental/orthopedic issues. As we sat and decided how the fences should run and how many troughs should be located in his 90 acres, my supervisor walked past. He looked at me and raised his eyebrows suspiciously. I know, I think to myself. I KNOW. There are too many animal units and not enough feed. Too much money going into a small amount of land…

Farmer Pickles eventually left and my supervisor sat down next to me, sighing and shaking his head, obviously confounded by Mr. Pickles. “I don’t know about those goat farmers…” he says.

“Yeah that guy—"

“Stinks!” he shouts.

“Oh! Yes! He sure does!” I add, even though I, unbelievably, didn’t notice a single, solitary, scent coming from Mr. Pickles. But to admit to NOT noticing the smell can’t be good, right??

Still sniffing the air, my supervisor then looks at me and says, “You know, Catherine, I think it’s…” Sniff. Sniff. “I think maybe it’s your gum!”

I walk over to my purse and inspect the gum packaging. Trident Fusion Green Apple.

Moral of this long, drawn-out story, you ask? Chile Picante con limón Corn Nuts + Trident Fusion Green Apple Gum = Goat Farmer Smell.

Don’t say I never gave you nothin’.