Pollie wipes my cracker? And other tales of taking the bad with the good.

The good: I have managed to teach Emma 90 percent of the alphabet. I hold up a letter A and she shouts, “A!” I hold up Z and she proclaims, “Z!” I hold up Q and she yells, “Another one!”

The bad: She isn’t JUST gifted in learning things like her ABCs. She has also decided to adopt every verbal bad habit I never knew I had. For example, when I spy two of my children playing tug of war with a glass of milk while standing directly over a pile of freshly-cleaned laundry, I’m liable to run to them, head spinning, while screaming in my best demon impersonation, “HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!” Because it’s all I can think to say in such a pinch. The correct answer might be, “STOP! YOUR LIVES DEPEND ON IT.” or “YOU WILL BOTH BE GROUNDED AN ENTIRE YEAR FOR EVERY DROP OF MILK THAT SPILLS!” But I’m just not good on my feet. Anyway, now I have Emma screaming “HEY! HEY! HEY!” to show her disapproval. Turning off the TV, stealing a bite from her pear, kissing Daddy… they are all likely to elicit a HEY! Kinda like Mommy, but more like Fat Albert, actually. Luckily, her vocabulary isn’t so sophisticated that she can ape all my other verbal faux pas. I’ve got to get my act together before she’s going to day care telling everybody, “It friggin’ torques me off when the neighbor doesn’t scoop up his lap dog’s tootsie rolls, dammit.”

The good: Kyra fell off of the toilet recently. That’s not the good part. The good part is that Emma ran to her side to nurse her wounds in a way that made me weep.

The bad: She made me realize what a terrible nurturer I can be. “You see? See what happens, Keewah? This is NOT a joke,” she tells her in true Mom fashion once she’d checked to make sure that no bones were broken. (In actuality, she was probably just checking her for signs of band-aid theft. It was the bathroom after all.)

The good: Emma has a remarkable sense of independence. She wants to wash her own hands, blow her own nose, put her own socks and shoes on. Recently, she’s even taken to going solo in the bathroom, if you know what I mean. No assistance in the wiping department, thank you!

The bad: I’ve learned that mine aren’t the only habits she’s picked up. I’m not positive, but I’m thinking someone from the day care is responsible for teaching her this one: “No, Mom! I’LL wipe my cracker! It’s MY cracker!” Cracker?? Like I said, I’m just not that clever.

The good: I am getting my tonsils out FINALLY!!! Surgery is scheduled for late next month. Aside from the whole giving birth via c-section thing, I have never been so thrilled to be going under anesthesia and some major pain.

The bad: That whole major pain thing that I’m trying not to think about.

Have a good week, everyone.