Everything you ever wanted to know about my Lasagna and more

“For my buthday, I would like to build a ladduh so I can go live up in the clouds, Mom. That way I could play my Gameboy and eat cloud moshmallows all day long and nobody will bothuh me. And I don’t have to get wet fwom the wain because wain goes down and not up… wight, Mom?”

“Right, Jonah.”

“Is that okay? If I live up in the clouds?”

“Yes, that’s okay,” I say. “But I’ll miss you.”

“You can visit me, if you want to sometimes. But only you.”

A year from now, there’s a good chance you’ll remember you had a chocolate SpongeBob birthday cake when you turned six. And that we went swimming on a rainy day. And that you and Toni put on a magic show for us later that night. But you might not remember about the marshmallow cloud conversation that we had. So I will record it here, lest I forget as well. I wish I could record the million other little things that I want to be sure not to forget about you on this 11th day of July, 2006. But, because I need to eat some leftover SpongeBob cake and wash your dirty socks and fold up the Twister gameboard, I will narrow it down to the most notable 100 I can think of.

Here they are:

1. You have asked that I refer to you as Lasagna.
2. I’m not sure if it’s because lasagna is your favorite food
3. Or because you’re kinda cheesy sometimes…
4. Meanwhile, you’ve taken to calling me Taco.
5. For reasons that are only obvious to me.
6. You love the smell of rain.
7. So much so that you need to turn down the car radio to really FOCUS on the smell. Lucky for you, we’ve been getting quite a lot of the wet stuff lately.
8. You appreciate the finer things in life like no other.
9. We’re not talkin’ Beluga caviar and Godiva chocolate (although I’m sure you wouldn't mind some of the latter). I’m referring to sunsets. Stories. Music. And rainbows.
10. You are a BOY if ever there was one. How does the saying go? Snakes, snails, and puppy dog tails??
11. Well, you also chase butterflies and worship ladybugs and marvel at worms.
12. The other day you asked me, What should I be when I gwow up? I said, An entomologist. What’s that? you asked. Someone who studies bugs, I said. At which you said, People can DO that for a job???
13. You go outside and cut me fresh flowers every opportunity you get. Sometimes they make Toni sneeze.
14. For some reason, NOTHING makes you sneeze.
15. Toni has convinced you to inhale black pepper in an effort to TRY making you sneeze.
16. Imagine her surprise when it didn’t do anything but dirty your nose and t-shirt.
17. You are an ARTIST.
18. Your drawings and paintings give me goosebumps because I can’t BELIEVE I produced someone who can create such beauty.
19. Much to Toni’s chagrin, you ALWAYS win at Trivial Pursuit.
20. Without a HINT of illicit support, I might add. (Which only means, you win honestly, despite Toni’s constant grievance about you getting all the easy questions.)
21. Sad to say, but you NEVER pick up towels from the floor or turn off lights when you leave the room. You don’t remember to put the toilet lid down, either.
22. Interestingly enough, you ALWAYS fall asleep within about five minutes of hitting the pillow.
23. And you sleepwalk.
24. Which has been known to scary the daylights out of your mother.
25. OR make her laugh ‘til her sides hurt, depending on what bed you are hovering over and who’s clothing you’ve put on.
26. You like for me to read Big Pig, Little Pig every single night.
27. And kiss Tiger.
28. And turn on the fan.
29. And the lava lamp.
30. And open a window, too.
31. You aren’t really a morning person.
32. You are usually the last one out of bed.
33. The last one to finish eating.
34. And the last one in the car. (probably all that sleepwalking)
35. Choosing clothing every day is grueling work that takes concentrated effort.
36. But it’s nowhere near as difficult as combing hair. Applying MAN gel. And taming the mulish cowlicks.
37. You perpetually have a dab of toothpaste on your face.
38. And sometimes in your hair.
39. Or neck.
40. Or ear.
41. All of the above, on occasion.
42. One time we found toothpaste in your bellybutton. I know this because it smelled minty.
43. But you are very good at taking showers.
44. And you take excellent care of your babies, by the way.
45. You have entirely too many babies to list here. (I thought I had too many babies. But I’ve got nothin’ over you, Sweetie.)
46. You can kick a soccer ball harder than anyone I know.
47. And you ride your new (much larger) bike like a real pro now.
48. I don’t play Stings’ songs when you’re around because he makes you cry.
49. While Crash Bandicoot’s soundtrack makes you dance a jig. (Which is the only reason I haven’t DESTROYED it yet.)
50. You are an EXCELLENT photographer.
51. You can make a picture of my junk drawer look artsy.
52. Even more impressive, you can make your mother look photogenic.
53. You often forget to water your plants.
54. And take out the trash.
55. But you are the absolute BEST at giving compliments.
56. And annoying your baby sisters with affection-overload.
57. You are also the master at cheering people up.
58. Unfortunately, you have the attention span of a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day float…
59. Fortunately for you, I like floats of all kinds.
60. You do, too. Root beer, especially.
61. You are a collector of THINGS.
62. Rocks. Cars. Marbles. Yarn. Pinecones. Erasers. Eagle quarters. Bugs. And something you call a “Goodie.” (A goodie, for those that don’t know, is a magazine insert. And Jonah would like to take them off your hands if you’re considering them for the trash can.)
63. More than anything, right now you want your own calendar.
64. I was remiss and didn’t get one…. Yet.
65. You also want your own room.
66. Again, not yet.
67. We got you a magic show set.
68. You gave it to your older sister because she LOVED it.
69. You said we could get you something else later.
70. And you meant it.
71. You have a loose tooth for the first time ever!
72. And a scratched ankle. (definitely not the first time)
73. And, while I’m here, you also have toenails that need trimmed.
74. You are cold-natured.
75. Chilliness makes you grouchy in the mornings. Or grouchier, I should say.
76. Then again, so does the heat… which, luckily, is rare in these parts, anyway.
77. You still need a daily nap, even if you refuse to believe it.
78. And you are growing faster than mold on ripe strawberries.
79. Strawberries, that’s something else you really like.
80. Along with everything else that ends in ‘berries.
81. You like the color blue in all variations.
82. Ditto on the green.
83. But you didn’t give a second thought to choosing a PINK skull-and-crossbone duvet. ‘Cause the skull-and-crossbones are TOUGH.
84. If given the opportunity, you can talk on the phone for hours.
85. And play Mario and Luigi video games for hours.
86. And observe nature for hours.
87. While you sit at the river for HOURS.
88. In other words, chores aren’t really your thing.
89. But you do take notice if my voice gets loud.
90. And, when necessary, you’ll at least LOOK like you’re organizing your vast array of collections.
91. You are a kid that loves sending love notes.
92. And giving gifts more than receiving them.
93. Your preschool teacher told me you scored higher on your exit exam than any child she’s ever had in all her career.
94. She also said you are a perfectionist.
95. And imaginative.
96. A little sneaky.
97. And you defend yourself fiercely.
98. These things frighten me a little.
99. But, mostly, they make me very, very, VERY proud.
100. We’ll be working on the sneaky.

My only son, my cutie-pie Lasagna… I hope you have the best sixth birthday ever.

I love you,
Taco