"EMMA’S TURN!"

What could I possibly have been thinking? Somewhere between numbers one and one hundred, someone must have slipped some Ecstasy into my late-night cocktail. That or, unbeknownst to me, I suffer from spontaneous amnesia because I completely forgot that I had FOUR children in the midst of composing Kyra’s 100. Four children who will be grown before I know it, skimming through my archives, looking for THEIR 100 list. I can hear them now: “But you made a list of 100 special things for Kyyyyraaaa! And all you did for me was announce to the world that I pooped!” Forget the fact that Kyra’s one hundred list contained not-so-complementary facts about things like French-kissing a trash can or her penchant for feet-fondling… none of that will matter in the end if there isn’t a personalized list for Emma and Jonah and dear, sweet Antonia sprinkled with THEIR fairly unattractive qualities.

But, alas, I am not a prophet. And maybe I’m completely wrong about these kids. Maybe they will exceed my expectations of petty whining and will actually grow up to appreciate the important things. Like the way I managed to keep the humidifiers clean, hence, preventing a rabid outbreak of Legionnaire’s disease. Or the way I didn’t start hacking off fingers when I simultaneously stepped on smushy, ripe banana droppings AND Cheerios AND a puddle of milk… TWICE…IN THE SAME DAY.

Maybe. JUUUST maybe, I’m wrong about their soon-to-be-grown-up selves.

HEH.

So let’s get on with it, shall we?!

To the beautiful, wonderful Emma,

HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY! Here are 100 things about you, the third and possibly most peculiar member of our brood:

1. You read.
2. We can’t really interpret what it is you are saying...
3. But you read. Aloud.
4. And have been since you were about five months old.
5. Favorite books include: Sleeping Beauty, The Share Bears, and anything Winnie the Pooh.
6. Oh, and the Yellow Pages. Preferably the Denver metro area.
7. You’re not too big on the dolls and stuffed animals.
8. You take books to bed with you instead.
9. You are a blankie kinda gal, too.
10. But only since Kyra was born, at which time you STOLE her two brand-new, never-been-washed, pink baby blankets.
11. Lucky for you, she didn’t blink an eye.
12. You’ve since decided that everything should be pink.
13. Pajamas, sippy cups, pull-ups, cheeks, and itchy rashes behind your knees and in your armpits.
14. Other things you’ve been doing since you were about five months old include: trying to eat us out of house and home, helping Daddy put on his socks, giving kisses, and unloading the dishwasher…
15. …Which, by the way, is STILL your all-time favorite pastime.
16. I’m not kidding.
17. That red splotchy birthmark on your back is slowly fading.
18. Thank God.
19. I’m hoping that people will eventually quit accusing us of pinching you.
20. Your hair grows unusually fast on the top of your head.
21. Not so much in the back.
22. I’m sure this will change.
23. (Sorry if it doesn’t.)
24. You have your dad’s teeth…
25. Cute overbite.
26. Sharp as newly-whetted knives.
27. Crooked on bottom.
28. Large and straight on top.
29. Unlike Kyra who likes her food sautéed and blanched and broiled and seasoned with rosemary and thyme, you opt for chips and salsa.
30. Maybe a slab of cold flour tortilla on the side.
31. Gouda cheese used to be your favorite food.
32. It probably still is; we’ve just decided we aren’t wealthy enough to buy it by the semiload anymore.
33. Unlike I do with Kyra, I NEVER worry about you choking.
34. You eat like you’ve been doin’ it for forty years. Even I still choke occasionally. But not you.
35. (This is not a jinx, Allan. I am NOT superstitious.)
36. You eat until you’re done; no more, no less.
37. You appear to have this weird knack of knowing what food group your body needs and eat accordingly.
38. I’ve never known a more helpful child. I need a diaper? Emma will get it! Lotion on my legs? Emma can do it! Where’s Kyra’s bottle? Emma will find it!
39. As long as you are around, I don’t need clocks or watches.
40. You know when it’s time for school, when it’s time for dinner, when it’s time to dress and put shoes on, and last but definitely not least, you know when it’s time for bed.
41. You don’t GET the whole time-change thing.
42. But don’t feel bad. Neither does Daddy.
43. Also unlike Kyra, you wear your heart on your sleeve.
44. And hold grudges.
45. It only takes a frown, a sharp tone, a finger pointing in your direction and your eyes well up with tears.
46. But your attention is something that I’m hanging onto by a thread these days.
47. It’s like a fly that lands on my nose occasionally.
48. The rest of the time, it zips in and out of my presence and masterfully evades my grasp.
49. So forgive me if sometimes I have to take a hypothetical fly swatter and tap you on the hand to grab hold of your attention long enough to say, “HEY! Pick up that smushy banana you just dropped!”
50. You call Toni “Tommy.”
51. You call Jonah “Anna.”
52. You call Kyra “Kia” or “Keetah!” depending on whether or not you’re lovin’ on her or vehemently scolding her.
53. As I’ve mentioned before, you are the most perfect sick person I’ve EVER met.
54. You don’t complain about the 103 degree fever burning holes in your cheeks.
55. You don’t make your cough worse by crying about it.
56. Sadly, you inherited my allergies and therefore have had a stuffy nose for most of your life.
57. Unlike me, you do not complain about that either; too much to do!
58. You will crawl under the table in a ball to let me know it’s time to be put in your crib.
59. You learned how old you are today.
60. Although when I tried to show Daddy how I trained you to say two, you didn’t answer on queue when asked, “How old are you, Emma?”
61. You merely smiled in a way that said, “What do you think I am, a parrot?”
62. You have the memory of an elephant.
63. You are the bossiest two-year-old I’ve ever met. Ask Kyra.
64. You were the bossiest one-year-old I’d ever met, too.
65. For a short time I worried that I wouldn’t be able to teach you anything because you were so bossy. You acted like you already knew all there was to know.
66. Thankfully, you have now taken to asking for help... but only because you need to know the name of EVERYTHING.
67. A little normalcy is a good thing, Sweetie.
68. You like to dance and sing.
69. Your favorite song used to be Mercedes Benz now you like anything by the Beatles.
70. You are so friendly IT IS SCARY.
71. Unlike Kyra, any nice person will do in a pinch.
72. You are the poster child for: DON’T TAKE YOUR EYES OFF THEM FOR EVEN ONE SECOND!!!!
73. Your siblings like to be by my side pretty much every minute.
74. You are secure in the knowledge that I’ll be there when you get back.
75. You are soooo lost in the mall.
76. You are beloved by daycare ladies throughout Colorado.
77. That is scary too.
78. You are afraid of dogs and have been since you were one year old.
79. We don’t know why.
80. Also unlike Kyra, you have always been itching to communicate in forms other than crying.
81. You apparently read the developmental milestone charts in the womb and decided to follow them to the letter.
82. So, while you were holding your head up and standing in my lap by the time you were one month old, you would not sit up on your own until you were EXACTLY six months, crawling at EXACTLY eight months, walking on your own at EXACTLY twelve months.
83. If you don’t know what something is called, you have no problem making up a name for it.
84. And then expect me to know the meaning of said made up word (Caddish = Cheerios; took me forever to figure that one out).
85. You have a lot of your father’s personality traits.
86. In fact, you are a lot like him in ways Kyra is not.
87. You are the happiest child I personally know.
88. Your older siblings don’t get that.
89. Daddy had the same problem.
90. You have a true sense of humor.
91. You are also a bit of a clown. There is a subtle but important difference.
92. You like to ride in wagons.
93. You are a born gymnast.
94. You have no physical fear. Never have.
95. You live for new shoes and won't leave home without a hat.
96. I’m sure if we let you, fake nails and hair extensions would be on your top ten list of favorite things.
97. Hence the weirdness. The dichotomy of your personality — tomboy one minute, princess the next.
98. You’ve never had cake. Or candy. I tried to reward you with cake for pooping in the potty once…
99. …You’ll have no memory of this by the time you’re old enough to read it but, believe me when I tell you— you turned the cake away!
100. And for that, and so many other things, we couldn’t be prouder.
     

Whew! And, if you can believe it, I’m nowhere near done. But fair is fair. And, after all, Kyra only got 100. And P.S. I cheated. I can only take credit for half of this list because I kindly asked Daddy to make himself comfortable in my chair and finish it off while you and I played with his socket wrench set.

I know you already know this down in your bones but, as your mama, let me just take this opportunity to say it: I love you. Happy Birthday, babe.

Hugs and Kisses,

Mommy