… that seemed to be the scathing question of the week. Beginning with the road gods who were the first to pose it to me as I drove through their mountain passes on Monday. This question was NOT rhetorical, I might add. And yet, in the midst of my deadly voyage with the serious question looming in the air, I couldn’t help but think how this would make for good blogging… PROVIDED that the answer to their question was a very solid TO LIVE.
Well, here is the post proving that, indeed, the Gods were shining down on me that sunny day. I realize that now. But at the time, I would’ve bet a pretty penny that they were in cahoots with the sun. That big glowing thing in the sky that wanted to do me in, shooting me in bits and spurts the way my cousin Paul used to do with the water hose when we were kids, but also blinding me as it reflected off of avalanche-ripe snow with the brightness and whiteness of Hollywood teeth. And yet it was neither its reflection nor laser-like rays that truly came close to killing me. No, it was its enigmatic way of provoking my body into fits of sneezes. SNEEZES. But the good news is that I succeeded at not dying a sad, snotty death in them hills with their 98-degree curves and 38-percent slopes while I tried not to blink or swerve or take others with me. By the way, please excuse my use of ambiguous numbers here, as I’ve just completed Basic Water Hydraulics training (the reason I embarked on this treacherous yet picturesque journey in the first place). See, now I have this false sense of confidence with numbers that I can only guesstimate will wear off in approximately 2.5 days, give or take .5 days, since I am NOT an engineer. Meanwhile, this brings me to the second time “the scathing question” was propounded. The engineering instructors, bless their hearts, wanted to see me die. Slowly. Tortuously. Irreversibly, too. They managed to pack something like FOUR college courses that would yield about FOUR credits apiece and take FOUR semesters out of my life… into FOUR fun-filled days. Three full days, two half-days. FOUR. Don’t get me wrong, I’m interested in learning why water always runs downhill as much as the next guy. In fact, one of my best friends is an engineer. Which has nothing to do with anything, really, except to say that I have nothing against those people. I'm just sayin' that my brain feels as though it’s been wrung and hung out to dry. Information overload, ya know? As I drove back home, I found myself working out the numbers, calculating my nasal pressure and trying to understand how it went so awry on Monday, how my body could EXUDE so much mucous when viruses and bacteria weren't involved in the equation.
But hey, the punchline to this story is that I survived yet again!!! Yes, I foiled the engineers as well. Which is really nothing compared to foiling the sun and road gods, but I digress. Point being, I breathe and blink and type to you now. Not only that, but I walk away with a newfound appreciation for the gloom of a sunless, low-pressure winter’s day. And also for words like orifice, baffle, nap (actually spelled nappe) and an honest-to-goodness MOMENT. Talk to an engineer; he or she can bring you up to speed sooo much better than I ever could… orrrrr.... maybe not.
But the answer was TO LIVE!!! And not only that, but I saw Grand Junction and Vail and Gunnison for the first time ever. And I made new friends from Cortez and Montrose and Delta. And now, my dear friends, I shall return to sleeping in my very own, bugless bed… a story for another day, maybe.
Well, here is the post proving that, indeed, the Gods were shining down on me that sunny day. I realize that now. But at the time, I would’ve bet a pretty penny that they were in cahoots with the sun. That big glowing thing in the sky that wanted to do me in, shooting me in bits and spurts the way my cousin Paul used to do with the water hose when we were kids, but also blinding me as it reflected off of avalanche-ripe snow with the brightness and whiteness of Hollywood teeth. And yet it was neither its reflection nor laser-like rays that truly came close to killing me. No, it was its enigmatic way of provoking my body into fits of sneezes. SNEEZES. But the good news is that I succeeded at not dying a sad, snotty death in them hills with their 98-degree curves and 38-percent slopes while I tried not to blink or swerve or take others with me. By the way, please excuse my use of ambiguous numbers here, as I’ve just completed Basic Water Hydraulics training (the reason I embarked on this treacherous yet picturesque journey in the first place). See, now I have this false sense of confidence with numbers that I can only guesstimate will wear off in approximately 2.5 days, give or take .5 days, since I am NOT an engineer. Meanwhile, this brings me to the second time “the scathing question” was propounded. The engineering instructors, bless their hearts, wanted to see me die. Slowly. Tortuously. Irreversibly, too. They managed to pack something like FOUR college courses that would yield about FOUR credits apiece and take FOUR semesters out of my life… into FOUR fun-filled days. Three full days, two half-days. FOUR. Don’t get me wrong, I’m interested in learning why water always runs downhill as much as the next guy. In fact, one of my best friends is an engineer. Which has nothing to do with anything, really, except to say that I have nothing against those people. I'm just sayin' that my brain feels as though it’s been wrung and hung out to dry. Information overload, ya know? As I drove back home, I found myself working out the numbers, calculating my nasal pressure and trying to understand how it went so awry on Monday, how my body could EXUDE so much mucous when viruses and bacteria weren't involved in the equation.
But hey, the punchline to this story is that I survived yet again!!! Yes, I foiled the engineers as well. Which is really nothing compared to foiling the sun and road gods, but I digress. Point being, I breathe and blink and type to you now. Not only that, but I walk away with a newfound appreciation for the gloom of a sunless, low-pressure winter’s day. And also for words like orifice, baffle, nap (actually spelled nappe) and an honest-to-goodness MOMENT. Talk to an engineer; he or she can bring you up to speed sooo much better than I ever could… orrrrr.... maybe not.
But the answer was TO LIVE!!! And not only that, but I saw Grand Junction and Vail and Gunnison for the first time ever. And I made new friends from Cortez and Montrose and Delta. And now, my dear friends, I shall return to sleeping in my very own, bugless bed… a story for another day, maybe.
I take precious moments out of my morning to check your blog every day! And to no avail ... .
ReplyDeleteWoe is me and my bandwidth.