Why I aged 20 years yesterday and some PIF down-low at the end

Do you remember when you were a little kid and you used to do really dumb stuff that very well could have killed you had someone not walked into the room at THE EXACT RIGHT TIME? And then your parents, upon realizing you weren't killed and after breathing several deep sighs of relief, would then proceed to try killing you?? Well. Maybe that was just my parents. ANYWAY. I finally got it. I finally got how a parent could be crying from fear one minute, and then locking themselves in the bathroom the next so as not to be sent to prison for a very, very long time.

My son. MY SON. MY SON. MY SON is going to be the death of me... In one year's time, he has been to the emergency room twice. Once for a rock in his ear (did I mention the fact that he shoved it in there himself??). And once for tripping over his own feet and landing head-first on a heater which left a gaping, fleshy wound, so the story goes. I wasn't there when it happened. Fortunately, it didn't damage the brain (that we know of), but it must've been pretty bad because I still hear about the pain to this very day.

But yesterday was the absolute worst. You all know by my whining just how cold it gets here. So cold that polar bears would be quite at home if it weren't for all the condos. Cold enough that the Rio Grande has been used as a road here lately. SO not kidding. This here is a shot of the middle of the river taken yesterday.

My kids had heard from friends that the river is often used for ice skating and hockey at this time of year. And so I finally agreed to take them down there so they could see for themselves just how frozen it is, so they can brag about how they walked on water.

Toni, my beloved goody-two-shoes, stuck by me like she was told. She was content showing me how cute she looked in her new snow boots, offering several angles and suggestions on where I should stand to take the shot and what I should label said picture if, by chance, I chose to post it on Flicker.

Jonah was a different story. Jonah ALWAYS is a different story. Like a bloodhound hot on the trail, everything ceases to exist once he's sniffed out whatever stick, bug, or gum wrapper he's after. He was in hot pursuit of SOMETHING GOOD. And suddenly there was no more Mom. No more rules about staying away from the drainage area where he was EXPLICITLY WARNED that water is running and should not be approached. No more fear or caution or common sense. The following picture was the last one I took before I shut the thing off, stuffed it in my pocket and proceeded to threaten him with torture that would leave him within an inch of his life if he didn't get back RIGHT. NOW!


But it was too late. He went crashing through the ice waist-deep which then panicked him into falling backwards until he was chest-deep in icy water. It was 16 degrees Fahrenheit out there.

This happened at 10:30 in the morning. Fourteen hours later, I've finally quit vibrating to the point where I can actually blog about it. HE'S OKAY, by the way. Totally freaked out, but okay. We dried him off, put him in warm clothes and stuffed him in a closet with 188 blankets and some Kenny G music just to be mean.

But seriously, to say that he scared the HOLY HELL out of me would be as understated as saying Sponge Bob has some thin legs. It will be quite awhile before I don't burst into spontaneous tears just remembering. Because I wanted to KILL HIM, and it's just not legal to kill small children who don't listen to their mothers. I wasn't too happy with myself, either. I'm actually the idiot referenced at the top... because I KNEW better than to let them walk on ice. I don't have enough ICE experience to be out there on it. And, knowing my son as well as I do, I should have known he'd be tempted to wander into dangerous territory. So. No more walking on water for this family.

Finally... I apologize for being late on the Pay It Forward announcement. Things changed a little, incidentally. On Friday Toni ditched me for a slumber party, so Jonah did the honors of drawing a name out of the hat. Only he thought he should choose TWO names, one on Toni's behalf, and one on his. So the first name he drew as though he were Toni was Miss Lynilu. The second name he drew for his own self was TxPoppet. I'm working on the prize and will send it ASAP. But I'm not telling what it is yet. Soon though!! After my heart sufficiently recovers from the idea that Jonah almost made yesterday the saddest day of my life. *shakes angry fist in the air*