I called the cable company twelve days ago and asked them to cut me off, put my TV to sleep, so to say. In less than 24 hours from that phone call, The Cable Guy came over and whisked my TV's soul away for almost good. (I say almost good because he assured me it wasn't irreversible.)
"So which dish company are you going with?" Mr. Cable Guy asked accusingly as he was wrapping things up.
"Oh, none!" I answered. "We're going to forgo television for awhile."
Of course this was followed by the much-expected You've Got To Be Kidding Me expression. I suppose I look like the kind of person who would lie to him in order to avoid hurting his feelings as I dump him for the The Dish Guy. It's true; I AM that kind of person. But in this particular case it wasn't a lie. I ACTUALLY dumped my cable guy and it wasn't for a wittier, less clingy dish guy. I wanted my freedom. And as Mr. Cable Guy plodded out my door, head drooping so low he looked headless from behind, I felt compelled to sing him some Fergie: "I hope you knoooow!... That this has nothing to do with you! It's personal. Myself and I, we've got some straightenin' out to do! ...And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses her blanket. But I've got to get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now! And big girls don't cry!"
This means I have officially said NO MAS to Pimp My Ride and Dr. 90210 and Ghost Hunters and all the mind-numbing jewels of entertainment I used to park in front of when I decidedly needed to "rest my brain" for a spell. I also thought WE ALL could use a break from The Fresh Prince reruns and That's So Raven. But APPARENTLY we only had TV for my benefit. Any guesses on how long it took for my children to notice the cable was turned off? SIX DAYS, my friends. Yep. It's tough coming to the realization that I could've bought myself a nifty sports car with all the cable money I've spent for the privilege of watching Dr. Ray get to the BOTTOM of why Venezuelan women are so gorgeous, for example.
But back to the cable guy, as it turns out, time expands to twice its normal size once he leaves the premises. He did something magical before leaving. I know he did. Because the time.... It's ticking.... so....very..... slooooowlyyyyy.
I know this sounds like a complaint. Rest assured, it is not. An added benefit to this no-tv business is that I can now look out my windows. You see, instead of channel surfing for two hours on Sunday, I washed windows. REALLY washed windows. Like, took off the screens and sprayed them with a power hose and stuff. You might find this revolting... but I've never washed them (correctly) in the three years I've lived here.
I also baked bread with my children. And spend an hour fondling new books at the public library. Spied on some neighbors... Tried to perfect the colonel's recipe... And, really, there's just not enough room on this blog to tell you about how much I did with all that extra time the cable guy left behind.
Meanwhile my kids were much entertained by the new pet.
Meet Claudia, our domesticated Venus Fly Trap. Look! She caught this guy all on her own. I'm smitten. I could literally park in front of this thing and watch for hours.
I'm in awe of your bravery. I don't watch a lot of TV, but I listen to the satellite radio stations often. Since I live alone, my house is sometimes just too quiet otherwise. Don't know that I could tell the dish folks goodbye. You're my hero, Catherine!
ReplyDeleteI could have happily used about 20 of your new houseplants a few weeks ago. But there were so many flies that the plants probably would have glutted themselves and died an ugly death. I remember having those when my kids were small an how fascinated they were with them. Cool pic!
Hooray for kicking your tv addiction before it got to the point where you were all strung out and scarred up with track marks. I'm not a big tv person myself (though I do allow myself the simple tivo'd pleasures of jon stewart and stephen colbert....but that's it! I swear!)
ReplyDeleteAnd as for the fly trap...dude! I want one! That would make an AWESOME addition to my succulents!!
I don't blame you. If we had kids I think it would be a good idea. I rarely watch TV. I bet I don't log over 3 hours average A WEEK! TV time and that includes DVDs. Now once winter gets here I will do more movies!
ReplyDeleteBut I like having it there for when I do....and my husband would die if he couldn't spend his nights with Keith Oberman and Chris Matthews...god and then the da*m sports! Ah.
Guilty as charged. I watch the most tv in my family. I love everything on Bravo. My new addiction? Flipping-Out! I want to paint my office Jeff-Lewis-Blue.
ReplyDeleteDVR changed my life and has made me a better mother. I watch my shows during "Me Time", not family time. I don't skip bedtime stories anymore to see the ending of Lost and I never watch commercials.
Having lived in Venezuela, I can say that I don't know where those gorgeous Amazonians you see in the pageants come from. They must grow them in super secrety socialist labs.
You are a lot braver than me. I am not sure we could kick the tv habit. I dream of it then the reality kicks in and makes me realize I wouldn't be able to go a week without it.
ReplyDeleteWe canceled our cable over a year ago and I have not missed it once!!!
ReplyDeleteWay to go, sista!